Your Unusual Silence on Managing Up

Hey Dan…

Didn’t comment because I’ve been REALLY busy the last few weeks but couldn’t resist today.

Managing up IS scary but it works. I’ve had more than enough occasions to try it in 40 years of work and while it will sometimes leads to confrontation… IF we lead with our best selves, as you say, it can be worthwhile.

Frankly I’ve had my staff offer opionions that I may have not thought much of at first glance… only to find myself thinking them over a day or two later… and agreeing with their point of view.

Hope you listeners/readers understand the power of a suggestion or an observation on someone else… OVER TIME!

Enough for now… keep it up!

Keith

In the one situation where I felt the need to manage up, I got badly burned. Total failure. It was the first time that I realized there are some situations where it is reasonable to cut one’s loses and move on (other than in the stock market).

As a woman, and an assistant to an executive, most of my “managing up” is done quietly, so that no one except the closest office staff would think that the “boss” was taking orders from an underling. Gently repeating a suggestion or firmly giving an opinion works depending on the circumstances, but always these are given in deference and with a promise not to bring it up unless he wants me to. With each manager I’ve worked with, the key has been to carefully weigh the importance of the communication against the risk and to time everything just right. Always act in a way that shows you act in his (or her) best interest and you’re goal is to make him look good in the end. If you know he won’t listen to you on a subject, have someone else he trusts present it to him. Of course, silence is golden at times.

Dan,

There is a great book on this subject called ‘Managing Up’ by Rosanne Badowski, the Executive Assistant for Jack Welch, former CEO for GE. It has been a while since I have read it but it is very engaging and holds many nuggets of truth and practical ideas on the subject of Managing Up. One of the things that impacted me right off the bat in this book was the forward by Jack Welch. He paints a pretty good picture of the kind of employee and person Rosanne was. She was able to keep everything she knew as his assistant under wraps and did not leak information. When your boss trusts and respects you it is a lot easier to manage up. I am sure many people without this confidentiality trait would find managing up frustrating.

On another note I think possibly the reason for the light response on this subject might not only be the subject but the timing. This is the crunch time of Tax season and many people are preoccupied with Taxes and related activities. I have found in my consulting work that people are quite un-engaging right now. Also many parts of the country have been dealing with extreme weather situations that preclude their regular activities. Finally but probably not the last reason that could cause a light response is the Spring Fever in many parts of our country as well as Spring Break etc. Transitions like this can always cause a lull in activity.

Keep up the good work,

David Thomure

Your column last week was fantastic. Like some of the others have mentioned, there is a fear of reprisal in going on record with this!

I will share with you what happened in our office last week after sharing your article with some of my fellow managers.

As we left a meeting where I apparently ‘managed up’our boss (I stayed in control and did not get frustrated), my colleague said, “You really Mulherned him.” So, your name has now become a verb in our office!

While we are limited in how much we can do in ‘managing up’, your article offered a number of helpful hints that we have already put into practice.

Thanks for the great insight (and humble admission that Frank needed to manage you as well).

Michael Loughman

Dan, What the Heath brothers say about training your boss, monkey or not, raises an old question that has always bothered me about animal training. Who really gets trained, the trainee or the trainer? Maybe both learn valuable lessons about interacting and achieving some goals, if not peace and prosperity… For many years, I read the tomes written on the subject of turning the management pyramid upside-down and about the true role of the manager as facilitator, coach, and collaborator. Anyone who seeks to gain power over another and to either “motivate” or “control” that other person is fooling himself or herself, and is really forging chains that restrict both parties rather than freeing either to get the job done and get on with the business of business. Better to concentrate on the lines of communication and negotiation that let each party win as much as possible. In my mind, power is simply your ability to get what you want from your environment, and all management efforts are joint ventures in which both parties seek to get what they want. Under that scenario, management is always a two-way interaction — part of a relationship based on agreed-upon rules. We all manage others up or down, as often as we are managed — not always successfully, of course — and not always skillfully. Unless confronted by a controller, we tend to “manage” up as often as we “manage” down. I cannot count the times friends and colleagues have made the comment about good bosses who seem to do their job effortlessly, almost as though they don’t have to “manage” their co-workers and subordinates. We all seem to have that image ingrained of managers as “controllers” (learned in school?). I still run into controllers once in a while, and they seem always unhappy about performance, and are politely, but assiduously avoided by their subordinates and co-workers, both because they tend to be very busy tending the chains they have forged and because they exude a sense of frustration that permeates all their relationships. Many I know deal with this situation by avoiding contact and never talking about that dysfunctional relationship. Perhaps that is one reason so few responded – out of the ingrained habit of not discussing an management situation that seems best ignored or kept quiet. It is good topic, well handled, and I have nothing but praise for RfL. Mick McKellar

In most matters I typically take the position of risk-taker, planning to ask for forgiveness as opposed to permission. I’ve found over the years that I tend to understand the larger picture and discover how the system should work before most others. Last year, for example, I recognized an opportunity for the organization I currently serve that was aligned perfectly with our newly-adopted mission and business agenda. At that time, the organization was in the midst of an intense transformation – focused on process and internal, capacity building; and to make matters more challenging, we were grossly understaffed.

In addition to my normal responsibilities, I began convening leadership across the region, securing resources and engaging in systemic planning related to the opportunity. Every couple of months, I would send a concise email to the CEO with an update on the initiative’s progress. Soon, our CEO began referencing the initiative in his public addresses and on the organization’s blog.

Just last week in an organizational staff meeting, when I stood to thank an internal team which had made great inroads on the development of the initiative (a group of young people that I assembled, again, without permission), our CEO gave special acknowledgement to my work in identifying this opportunity and called my actions “true leadership.”

This was, of course, a wonderful affirmation, but not a surprise. I truly believed in our need for the initiative- even when the leadership seemed to go radio-silent with feedback in the formative months. I knew the organization was focused on other aspects of development and that once we emerged, we would need a living example of our new persona. I had faith in my own ability to see the larger picture and make progress in areas where others were unprepared to focus.

So, yes, I do believe strongly in managing up. It is sometimes the only way to make progress in a dramatically changing environment.

Hi Dan,
You must have pushed the right button to get responses. Yes, it can be scary to manage up, and I think two of the most important variables are your own sense of self-worth, and your belief that others find what you do irreplaceable. For 25 years I worked with a boss who was, frankly, incompetent. I gently pushed him at every turn, and what needed to be done got done, and he was grateful to me because I was saving his —–job. I didn’t care who got the credit.
Now I’m retired from gainful employment, working a number of volunteer jobs, and I don’t worry about managing up; they can’t hurt me financially if they don’t want my services, and my opinions still seem to have value, even if I’m not paid.

Mary C.

The very idea of “managing up” seems to assume a level of self-confidence, assertiveness, and self-direction that a lot of people don’t have.

For most people, the relationship with “the boss” is — when you strip everything else away — the umbilical cord that connects them to job security. And “job security” is often not just for the job holder, but for his or her family as well. It’s for the partner, and the kids, and maybe even for extended family members like Gramma, and Aunt Helen, and Cousin Eddie who lives with Gramma. For most people, there’s a TON hanging by that umbilical cord, and most people won’t even go NEAR the IDEA of taking ANY kind of risk with it.

It’s easy for you to imagine it, Dan, and talk about it and imagine it for others. But consider: I’m guessing that if you lost your job, you wouldn’t ever worry that you were “near the edge” of losing your house, or having to sell any of your favorite toys (boat, motorcycle, woodshop equipment, etc.), or trade down to an older car with more mileage. Try to imagine facing the possibility of not even being able to HELP your kids pay for college. You can’t. (It’s harder for a rich man to get into heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle.) You have a pedigree of knowledge, education, experience, and contacts that very few people have. (That’s great! Congratulations! More power to you!) But you need to realize that because of your pedigree, there’s no way you’ll ever be able to accurately imagine what it would be like to have NO options if anything breaks your umbilical cord. In fact, I’m guessing that if you had a regular job and lost it somehow, if you had to, you could pick up the phone and within a few days of calling all the people you’ve worked with over the years, you could have a new gig lined up making at least half of what your current household budget and debts require. Even if you had to cut back to half of what you’re accustomed to, you’d still be more comfortable and secure than a lot of people have ever dared to imagine. And if you took a couple of months instead of a couple of days, you could probably equal or improve the situation you got separated from. A person with only a high school diploma doesn’t have those kinds of options. If they lose a job because of a falling out with their boss, they’re looking at $8 an hour instead of $15 or $17, and no chance of ever getting back to where they were. You need to realize that you’re not thinking realistically about what you’re suggesting people should do. You have an ethnocentric blind spot.

Instead of asking how we can get more people to manage up, let’s go to a deeper systemic level and ask, “How can we change the organizational structure to reduce the level of fear and insecurity, increase people’s sense of security, and make it more likely they’ll feel more safe in volunteering their contributions? When you get to that level, you’ve got to push the boundaries and think outside the box. Like, “Why is it important for everyone to have a “boss?” Anyone who’s worked with the performance management system knows that it’s totally unrealistic to pretend that ANY one person sees and understands enough of what you do to pass final judgement on your work. Given what we know about human psychology and group dynamics, does it really make sense to insist on a structure in which every individual contributor’s job security rests in the judgment of ONE (usually flawed and DEFINITELY subjective!) individual? If 360 feedback makes sense, why not try 360 hiring, 360 supervision, 360 promotions, 360 discipline, 360 terminations, and yes, 360 leadership?”

OK. Let’s come back to reality. What can a person who has a formal leadership role do to remedy this whole situation?
1. Realize that if you have authority over any person’s job security, that person has probably censored whatever information they give you. (They may not even realize they’re doing it.) I believe everyone does this. Even middle and upper level managers. Do you seriously believe that Jennifer’s cabinet members are always completely candid?
(I think it makes more sense to assume that they carefully monitor what they say and how they say it to preserve their job security, just like everyone else.) So if you’re serious about leading, you need to acknowledge the impediments to communication that are built into the boss/subordinate structure, and work really hard to overcome them. CONSTANTLY reassure people that it’s safe for them to be honest with you, and NEVER betray their trust by inflicting consequences, regardless of how much you dislike or disagree with what you hear.
2. Realize that most people don’t like ambiguity. If they don’t have reliable information to work with, they’ll make stuff up. And then they’ll believe in it, and act on it, and spread it around as if it were totally true. (There’s a good reason everyone knows what rumor mill is!) So a good leader must communicate constantly, and not just about fluff. Talk to everyone in the organization about the stuff that’s most REAL in the work of the organization. An organizational newsletter that prints announcements about fundraisers and committee meetings is fine. But WHERE’S THE BEEF? Seems to me it would be so much better if the leadership team would send out an announcement to the whole organization, every time they make a major decision, or take a significant action. That’s NEWS! TELL it. Tell why they did it, and tell how it advanced the organization in its strategic plan, and how it fulfills the organizational mission. And if it doesn’t, explain why it was still a good decision. (If an executive decision or action can’t stand up to everyone looking at it, maybe some other decision would have been better!)
3. Walk the talk with absolute integrity. The people over whom you have authority will be listening to every word. And whether or not you’re saying anything that’s REAL to them in the world of THEIR jobs, they’ll be watching every gesture, every facial expression, noticing every change in voice tone, measuring every pause — because their self-preservation antennae are always up, listening for the slightest clues that might help them maintain their job security.